My Green Thumb

For years I've dreamt of it. Every spring when I realize winter's been beaten, first rays of light peak in and the snow turns to mushy ponds the idea creeps to my head. I'd love to do it. This year for the first time ever I made it happen. Got myself a garden.

Some phone calls and bribing of my sister later I was a happy farmer. Out came rubber boots and tools from my parents shed. Loved it. I went crazy with buying seeds. There was no stopping me.

Then I got to the hard part. I wasn't afraid of getting my hands dirty. But boy how stiff and painful my back and thighs were. For days. One could have started a pottery business with that soil. I ended up carrying bags of dirt and recruiting one innocent preacher for the job as well.

What else is there to do after planting? I thought to myself and flew over several time zones. Coming back I had to separate the wilderness from my cute small saplings. Another stiff and painful back.

Nature did most of the watering and I thought this is going splendid until I had to declare a war. Bloody snails invaded my garden. What did I do? Gave them beer.

A friend at work told me the only way to get rid of the bastards was to drown them and the smell of beer attracts them like mad. Turned up these were all members of the temperance association. What a waste of lager. Eventually I gave up. And my plants have done fairly well.

Tomorrow we'll collect the harvest, have a party and I'll brag about it to any poor soul come my way. Made my dream come true.